well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
