You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
