Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
