Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
