were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
