He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
