ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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