i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
