How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
