Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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