Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
