Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
