names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
