There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
