My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Panties = found
Randomize
