so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
