Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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