its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
