that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
