Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
