hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
