had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
