I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
