Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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