she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize