You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
