perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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