We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
