Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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