He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
