She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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