If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
