I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
