I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
