Yo dont text me then not text me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
