Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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