why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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