North Korea, Best Korea!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
