She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
