I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
