Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Sober January is a disaster.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize