its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
