Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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