Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
