i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
