someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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