we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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