I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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