There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
