I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
