9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
