i already hear my dad disowning me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
