it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
