she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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