i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
