omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
smell my finger.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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