Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
