God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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