if you like me you must not know who I am
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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