Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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