There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
