I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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