Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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