you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
