Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
