I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
