first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My bed smells like the plague
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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