I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
