Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
