i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
